Anxiety. For those who suffer from anxiety know it can be bloody scary. It feels like death is about to happen at any moment.
There is no controlling the prickliness that pulses through the body. Shortness of breath makes you believe there is no breath coming in. Panicked irrational thoughts can have you dialling for an ambulance.
In hindsight I can see how far back my anxiety attacks go. The trips to emergency thinking I was dying as a young adult. Running out of a room mid conversation with my boss because I thought I was going to die.
Calling friends and family in a panic. Witnessing walls swaying in and out. Pinching my arm to the point of bruising so I could stop the panic from arising during conversations. Waking up in the middle of the night with a pounding heart and not being able to breathe.
Yep, anxiety sucks and is a horrible experience. But if we choose to, over time we can learn from it and reduce the symptoms.
In my mid 30’s I started to learn how to cope with the attacks. I started to acknowledge what they were – they were panic attacks, not imminent death (and I wasn’t crazy!).
I learnt that they cannot kill me; I’ve been reassured by quite a few health professionals over the years. I learnt not to fight the attack but instead allow it to flow.
Now, I can honestly say I am grateful for anxiety (never ever thought I’d say that!). I can see how it inspired me to make healthier choices.
Here are 2 BIG reasons why I am grateful for anxiety:
1. It helped me stop binge drinking. Oh how I used to love getting smashed. Binge drinking was my thing. It wasn’t until my early 30’s I realised I was getting depressed and having anxiety days after. Shame infused hangovers were a breeding ground for anxiety attacks.
So I stopped drinking alcohol. It’s been 6 years. A decision I’ve never regretted (although I used to miss the experience).
2. It helped me NOT go down the drug taking path. During my lifetime I’ve tried a few different types of drugs. I used to like pot until I had a massive panic attack whilst high. I tried it some more but the anxiety kept happening so I stopped. In my late 20’s I gave some harder drugs a go.
Again, panic attacks happened, so I didn’t take anymore (thankfully). Intuition tells me drug taking would not have ended well for me if I had continued.
I am so damn grateful for my anxiety!!
Seeking professional help has assisted me in learning how to cope with anxiety.
Once I started acknowledging and understanding anxiety it didn’t seem like a big scary monster hiding in my closet. I still experience anxiety and panic attacks, but it doesn’t happen as often, and it doesn’t have as much control over me (although the panic attacks are still horrible).
I have learnt to embrace it (and myself) with Love and Compassion. I now have conversations with my anxiety so I can understand where it is coming from and what I need to move through it, feel nourished and supported.
It has taken time and a whole lot of support, therapy and personal development to get me to this point.
And as I continue along this healing journey, I will keep focusing on the light I have found within the darkness of anxiety.
If you are struggling with anxiety, or know someone who is, I highly recommend talking to a professional therapist. You don’t need to suffer alone and the right treatment can help you cope and enjoy life again.
Here is a link here for information and support on anxiety: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety.
Jane
Photo by Leon Contreras on Unsplash
